I forgot... Yesterday after the car boot hideousness Buckley and I began to massacre the garden with our new saw. And no - that is not a euphemism. We decided that we should do a spot of tree surgery.
I climbed on top of the shed at the end of the garden, pulled up the step ladders and set them up nicely under the offending branches. I got to the second step when the rotting roof of the shed began to give way. The back two feet of the ladder went straight through the roof tipping the whole thing backwards with me on top of it. It was only my skilful and balletic movements that saved me from toppling off the shed and into the river at the back. There are now two holes in the roof of the shed which water will surely leak through.
Anyhoo - here I am to tell another tale and the branches have now been removed. I took the first one off quite easily but half way through the second branch my arm began to tire so Buckley gave it a go. After a couple of saws the branch started creaking and he started to panic - within seconds he was trying to flee the shed roof with a bloody big branch creaking towards his head. He too survived. I got up there and finished the job with the third branch - narrowly missing a potentially disfiguring accident as the business end of the branch swung towards my face.
Well - tree now surgeryed (?) - Buckley got the bug. He took down the caterpillar covered mini tree in the main bed then went for the blackened leafed tree next to the green house whilst I stood underneath it to make sure that the branches hit me and not the glass of the green house. Finally he had his eye on the neighbours tree of which three branches cover most of our lawn. The neighbours weren't in to ask and I persuaded him not to begin hacking away in order that we preserve relations - besides he needed to borrow their ladders to get to this one. Thus the massacre ended for the day...
Monday 22 September 2008
Sunday 21 September 2008
Chip butties and fleeces
We did a car boot sale just outside Blackpool today. Class coming out of my ass or what? There was a wide array of fleeces, many people on crutches or in wheelchairs and a smattering of in breeding.
At about eight thirty I went to get us both a drink - one strong tea and a coffee with one sugar. The girl that served me was a whizz on the hot plate. She could manage about ten frozen jumbo sausages in one go and her fried black pudding and cheese burgers were a marvel to behold. My arteries hardened just by ordering drinks.
Someone stole a fifty pence wind up muscle man from our stall. Who steals at a car boot sale?
At about eight thirty I went to get us both a drink - one strong tea and a coffee with one sugar. The girl that served me was a whizz on the hot plate. She could manage about ten frozen jumbo sausages in one go and her fried black pudding and cheese burgers were a marvel to behold. My arteries hardened just by ordering drinks.
Someone stole a fifty pence wind up muscle man from our stall. Who steals at a car boot sale?
Image from one of my favourite online stores http://www.animalkingdomfleece.com/
Monday 15 September 2008
Orange and Black
Today I went for a job interview in Preston. I knew from two phone calls last week with Louise that there was something odd about it before I even left the house today but I was further convinced when I walked up to the building and the company sign was a print out sellotaped to the window.
I went in and asked for the person that I was supposed to be meeting only to be told that they had the day off. They didn't know who I was supposed to see and neither did I. A rough looking old bird handed me a clip board and said "'ere you are love, fill this out." I sat down in the waiting room on a cheap sofa (not that I'm a snob when it comes to furniture...) and filled out the form. There were three other people in the room with me, the guy next to me (black suit / white socks) had his head in his hands and rocked backwards and forwards.
The waiting room had woodchip wallpaper painted bright orange and all the woodwork was painted black. Radio one blared from the desk in the corner and I was treated to a live rendition of blinded by the lights (without the swearing) which cheered me up no end.
The other three people were invited to go upstairs and I was - er - ignored completely. Ten minutes later I was still alone in the waiting room. Twenty minutes later - still there. Eventually someone came into the room and when I asked how much longer it would be - five minutes maximum. Ten minutes later I was finally invited to go upstairs. I clambered over the office chairs and sat down in front of what appeared to be a teenager.
She asked me a handful of pointless questions before she finally asked - "So what can you bring to this company?" I began replying by talking about maturity and experience and then came to a sudden standstill. It was at this point that I said that I couldn't actually answer her question because I still had no idea what their company did - and to be honest I still don't know! I started getting a bit pissy to be honest but despite this ten minutes or so later she decided that I should come back for the second of four interviews. I don't think I'll go...
I went in and asked for the person that I was supposed to be meeting only to be told that they had the day off. They didn't know who I was supposed to see and neither did I. A rough looking old bird handed me a clip board and said "'ere you are love, fill this out." I sat down in the waiting room on a cheap sofa (not that I'm a snob when it comes to furniture...) and filled out the form. There were three other people in the room with me, the guy next to me (black suit / white socks) had his head in his hands and rocked backwards and forwards.
The waiting room had woodchip wallpaper painted bright orange and all the woodwork was painted black. Radio one blared from the desk in the corner and I was treated to a live rendition of blinded by the lights (without the swearing) which cheered me up no end.
The other three people were invited to go upstairs and I was - er - ignored completely. Ten minutes later I was still alone in the waiting room. Twenty minutes later - still there. Eventually someone came into the room and when I asked how much longer it would be - five minutes maximum. Ten minutes later I was finally invited to go upstairs. I clambered over the office chairs and sat down in front of what appeared to be a teenager.
She asked me a handful of pointless questions before she finally asked - "So what can you bring to this company?" I began replying by talking about maturity and experience and then came to a sudden standstill. It was at this point that I said that I couldn't actually answer her question because I still had no idea what their company did - and to be honest I still don't know! I started getting a bit pissy to be honest but despite this ten minutes or so later she decided that I should come back for the second of four interviews. I don't think I'll go...
Sunday 14 September 2008
Dreams
As Gabrielle once sang: Dreams can come true, look at me babe I've got flu (or something like that anyway - I think the piratey eye patch was interfering with her ability to sing coherently.)
Well I can tell you now that if Gabrielle were me she certainly wouldn't want her dreams to come true. Only yesterday a lady in my dream was using a pikelet as a contraceptive cap. This is one of my more unusual dreams however there have been others.
One of my favourite dreams was the one where I was using a tortoise to make footprints in wet cement. Nothing more - nothing less. All I did was push one of these poor creatures feet into wet cement and then lift it out again. I dread to think what this means about me.
One of my regular childhood dreams involved spinning around inside a curtain singing Paw Paw Paw Pee repeatedly - I not only tried this but roped my brother in on it and discovered just how tightly curtains wrap themselves around your head and just how displeased one's grandparents can be when you almost pull down their full length velvet curtains.
I sometimes dream abut my mum but invariably they're not nice dreams and they involve death and suffering which is never a pleasant experience.
Again as a child a recurring dream would be the one with the bubble blowing dragon. The dragon sat in the middle of one of the bedrooms at my grandparent's house blowing big bubbles which would ensnare those who went into the room. Once trapped in the bubble the victim would float toward the ceiling where they would turn into a dragon themselves. In one of these dragon dreams I escaped out of the window onto a balcony only to find a lion out there. Bad luck hey? I then had to go back into the dragon room and downstairs (I floated down the stairs - natch) I entered the drawing room to find all my family staring at me and baring vampire teeth. I think I woke up at that point - probably in terror.
I think there's something the matter with me.
Well I can tell you now that if Gabrielle were me she certainly wouldn't want her dreams to come true. Only yesterday a lady in my dream was using a pikelet as a contraceptive cap. This is one of my more unusual dreams however there have been others.
One of my favourite dreams was the one where I was using a tortoise to make footprints in wet cement. Nothing more - nothing less. All I did was push one of these poor creatures feet into wet cement and then lift it out again. I dread to think what this means about me.
One of my regular childhood dreams involved spinning around inside a curtain singing Paw Paw Paw Pee repeatedly - I not only tried this but roped my brother in on it and discovered just how tightly curtains wrap themselves around your head and just how displeased one's grandparents can be when you almost pull down their full length velvet curtains.
I sometimes dream abut my mum but invariably they're not nice dreams and they involve death and suffering which is never a pleasant experience.
Again as a child a recurring dream would be the one with the bubble blowing dragon. The dragon sat in the middle of one of the bedrooms at my grandparent's house blowing big bubbles which would ensnare those who went into the room. Once trapped in the bubble the victim would float toward the ceiling where they would turn into a dragon themselves. In one of these dragon dreams I escaped out of the window onto a balcony only to find a lion out there. Bad luck hey? I then had to go back into the dragon room and downstairs (I floated down the stairs - natch) I entered the drawing room to find all my family staring at me and baring vampire teeth. I think I woke up at that point - probably in terror.
I think there's something the matter with me.
Monday 8 September 2008
Crash
When I was nine years old I was in a car crash. My mum was driving and I was in the back with my brothers and the cat. An HGV lorry driver decided to overtake a car on a hill just outside Preston and in doing so hit us head on spinning the car off the bridge and into a field. We were cut out of the car by firemen and then two ambulances, one from Blackpool and one from Preston took my mum in one direction and my brothers and I in the other to different hospitals.
I was unconscious and had a cut face and badly bruised legs, Robert had a fractured skull but remained conscious throughout and Matthew, who was two years old, was catapulted from the middle of the back seat and trapped between the two front seats which saved him from being flung through the windscreen. My mum was very badly injured. As the car was crushed, the engine came forward and broke my mum's right leg in three places including smashing her knee cap. As she shielded her eyes the windscreen glass gouged out most of the flesh from the inside of her right arm down to the bone in places. Her face was also badly cut and glass had sliced a flap of skin off her forehead.
I was out of hospital in a couple of weeks as was Robert and Matthew didn't have to stay at all. My mum however was in hospital for weeks with her leg in traction and when she was finally released she was in a wheelchair for months. All of this meant that as a family we had to leave our home in Oldham and live with grandparents - firstly my dad's parents in Preston then, when my mum was out of hospital, to her parents in Poulton - and I left my primary school for most of the year and went to a countryside school just outside Preston.
My classmates from school in Oldham spent an afternoon writing letters to me which I received in hospital. I've copied some of them below - including grammar and spelling mistakes - which I find quite touching and funny.
14 Manor Park Rise
Greenacres
Oldham
8/1/85
Dear Richard,
I hope you are feeling better. We are missing you because we have nobody to be on at tig-on-line.
Now it is snowing. We are having snowball fights. In our bay we have three broken windows. Lindsey is still the same old funny character, Lisa Doolan is still very stubborn, Natalie is still the same old girl.
From
Mark Travis
Greenacres Primary School
Dunkerly St.
Greenacres,
Oldham
15th January 1985
Dear Richard
I hope that you get well soon and come back to school soon and get well. You are not the only one who is hurt because I am. I have a broken arm. I broke it because David Whiteley fell on it.
From
Paul Mannion
Get Well soon Get Well Soon
Greenacres Primary School
Dunkerley St.,
Greenacres
Oldham
Tues Jan. 15th 1985
Dear Richard
We have been doing about round signs. I hope that you come Back soon. We have been playing in the snow snowball fighting.
By Christian
17 Taurus St,
Greenacres
Oldham
8.1.85
Dear Richard,
I hope you are feeling better. Did you have a nice Christmas.
I have got some nice things for Christmas.
I got a radio with ear phones. I got two my “little” pony’s. I hope you get better soon Richard and Robert and your mum.
From Gillian
29 Watergate Milne Court
Waterhead
Oldham
8.1.85
Dear Richard
I hope that you get well soon.
I thought that you might like to read my poem.
I hope that you get back to school quick.
We have changed over with Mrs Shaw.
We go in the morning and the others go in the afternoon now. Would you like to read my poem now
1) Oh Welephant oh Welephant what have I done,
I’ve started a fire oh I am so dumb
2) all my presents are under the tree, oh Welephant of Welephant whon’t you help me.
3) Never fool with fire and that is your moto easy to learn it’s better than saying fire burn burn burn
From
Anuaska Mercer
Greenacres Primary School
Dunkerley St
Greenacres
Oldham
Wednesday 16th January 1985
Dear Richard
I am sorry to hear about the accident.
Wish you were here to see all the snow we have had. I hope you had a nice Christmas. And I hope yo like the new boy in Mrs Anistworth’s class. It was snowing here on Monday.
Get well soon
From
Susan
Greenacres Primary School
Dunkerley St
Greenacres
Oldham
16th January 1985
Dear Richard
I am sorry about your accident.
Down in Greenacres it is snowing.
We wish you were hear. At school we have started Maths work cards. They are easy. At home my dog Kelly has had Seven pups. Get well soon
From
Racheal
Greenacres Primary School
Dunkerley St
Greenacres
Oldham
15 January 1985
Dear Richard
We have been out Side and been catching number plates and it Was fun. I hope you get better soon. We have been playing with the snow.
From
Lee
Greenacres Primary School
Dunkerley St
Greenacres
Oldham
Wednesday 16th January 1985
Dear Richard
I hope you are soon back at school again because we will all be glad to see you here.
Also when you come back to this school I hope you like the project that we are talking about. I hope you will like the letters that we are writing to you. Are you enjoying the school that you are at now?
From
Joanne
Greenacres Primary School
Dunkerley St
Greenacres
Oldham
Wednesday 16th January 1985
Dear Richard
Paul Mannion has had a fight with Scott. We are doing topic on road safety.
I hope you get better.
The weather is trecherous.
Me and Andrew have been talking about 101 sillys. We have been getting into mischef
From you friend
Craig Pemberton
51 Sharples Hall St
Watersheding
Oldham
8.1.85.
Dear Richard,
I hope that you are feeling better. I am looking forward to seeing you back at school and I hope you have had a merry Christmas. I have had a nice Christmas. But I have stayed in most of the time and played with my cousins calculator and watched television most of the time.
From
Lindsey
Greenacres Primary School
Dunkerley St
Greenacres
Oldham
Tues. 15th Jan 1985
Dear Richard
You can’t play your violin or your recorder because you had a car crash. I Wish you was at school because you are missing all the fun at school but when you get better you will be able to join in our games
Christopher McDonald
12 Locking Gate Rise
Waterhead
Oldham
8.1.85
Dear Richard,
I hope that you are feeling better. Rebecca told me about the accident. I felt sorry for you. It has been snowing and we have been playing in it. I have been falling in the snow. My brother Adam laughed at me. Then we had a snowball fight this morning.
Tonight I am going on my sledge with Adam. I hope you had lots of nice Christmas presents.
Your friend
Natalie
Walton
Greenacres Primary School
Dunkerley St
Greenacres
Oldham
16th January 1985
Dear Richard
I hope you get well soon.
We are doing about road safety at school and we are coming back to verbs. It is snowing very hard today and it is an inside play time today.
There is a new boy in J1 called Wayne.
From
Nigel Sinkis
Greenacres Primary School
Dunkerley St
Greenacres
Oldham
Wed 16th January 1985
Dear Richard,
It’s a pity you can’t have the kile. And you have mist the races at p.e. And are read road safety work. While your reading and sitting down we are busy at work. When you come back I will tell you the answers if your brains gone.
By Adrian
5 Esther st.
Greenacres
Oldham
8/1/85
Dear Richard,
I hope you come back to school soon, and this is a poem which I have written for you to read.
You play with your friends,
And hope you were back,
You sing them a song
All about Nat
I hope that you will get well soon
From
Lisa Doolan
I was unconscious and had a cut face and badly bruised legs, Robert had a fractured skull but remained conscious throughout and Matthew, who was two years old, was catapulted from the middle of the back seat and trapped between the two front seats which saved him from being flung through the windscreen. My mum was very badly injured. As the car was crushed, the engine came forward and broke my mum's right leg in three places including smashing her knee cap. As she shielded her eyes the windscreen glass gouged out most of the flesh from the inside of her right arm down to the bone in places. Her face was also badly cut and glass had sliced a flap of skin off her forehead.
I was out of hospital in a couple of weeks as was Robert and Matthew didn't have to stay at all. My mum however was in hospital for weeks with her leg in traction and when she was finally released she was in a wheelchair for months. All of this meant that as a family we had to leave our home in Oldham and live with grandparents - firstly my dad's parents in Preston then, when my mum was out of hospital, to her parents in Poulton - and I left my primary school for most of the year and went to a countryside school just outside Preston.
My classmates from school in Oldham spent an afternoon writing letters to me which I received in hospital. I've copied some of them below - including grammar and spelling mistakes - which I find quite touching and funny.
14 Manor Park Rise
Greenacres
Oldham
8/1/85
Dear Richard,
I hope you are feeling better. We are missing you because we have nobody to be on at tig-on-line.
Now it is snowing. We are having snowball fights. In our bay we have three broken windows. Lindsey is still the same old funny character, Lisa Doolan is still very stubborn, Natalie is still the same old girl.
From
Mark Travis
Greenacres Primary School
Dunkerly St.
Greenacres,
Oldham
15th January 1985
Dear Richard
I hope that you get well soon and come back to school soon and get well. You are not the only one who is hurt because I am. I have a broken arm. I broke it because David Whiteley fell on it.
From
Paul Mannion
Get Well soon Get Well Soon
Greenacres Primary School
Dunkerley St.,
Greenacres
Oldham
Tues Jan. 15th 1985
Dear Richard
We have been doing about round signs. I hope that you come Back soon. We have been playing in the snow snowball fighting.
By Christian
17 Taurus St,
Greenacres
Oldham
8.1.85
Dear Richard,
I hope you are feeling better. Did you have a nice Christmas.
I have got some nice things for Christmas.
I got a radio with ear phones. I got two my “little” pony’s. I hope you get better soon Richard and Robert and your mum.
From Gillian
29 Watergate Milne Court
Waterhead
Oldham
8.1.85
Dear Richard
I hope that you get well soon.
I thought that you might like to read my poem.
I hope that you get back to school quick.
We have changed over with Mrs Shaw.
We go in the morning and the others go in the afternoon now. Would you like to read my poem now
1) Oh Welephant oh Welephant what have I done,
I’ve started a fire oh I am so dumb
2) all my presents are under the tree, oh Welephant of Welephant whon’t you help me.
3) Never fool with fire and that is your moto easy to learn it’s better than saying fire burn burn burn
From
Anuaska Mercer
Greenacres Primary School
Dunkerley St
Greenacres
Oldham
Wednesday 16th January 1985
Dear Richard
I am sorry to hear about the accident.
Wish you were here to see all the snow we have had. I hope you had a nice Christmas. And I hope yo like the new boy in Mrs Anistworth’s class. It was snowing here on Monday.
Get well soon
From
Susan
Greenacres Primary School
Dunkerley St
Greenacres
Oldham
16th January 1985
Dear Richard
I am sorry about your accident.
Down in Greenacres it is snowing.
We wish you were hear. At school we have started Maths work cards. They are easy. At home my dog Kelly has had Seven pups. Get well soon
From
Racheal
Greenacres Primary School
Dunkerley St
Greenacres
Oldham
15 January 1985
Dear Richard
We have been out Side and been catching number plates and it Was fun. I hope you get better soon. We have been playing with the snow.
From
Lee
Greenacres Primary School
Dunkerley St
Greenacres
Oldham
Wednesday 16th January 1985
Dear Richard
I hope you are soon back at school again because we will all be glad to see you here.
Also when you come back to this school I hope you like the project that we are talking about. I hope you will like the letters that we are writing to you. Are you enjoying the school that you are at now?
From
Joanne
Greenacres Primary School
Dunkerley St
Greenacres
Oldham
Wednesday 16th January 1985
Dear Richard
Paul Mannion has had a fight with Scott. We are doing topic on road safety.
I hope you get better.
The weather is trecherous.
Me and Andrew have been talking about 101 sillys. We have been getting into mischef
From you friend
Craig Pemberton
51 Sharples Hall St
Watersheding
Oldham
8.1.85.
Dear Richard,
I hope that you are feeling better. I am looking forward to seeing you back at school and I hope you have had a merry Christmas. I have had a nice Christmas. But I have stayed in most of the time and played with my cousins calculator and watched television most of the time.
From
Lindsey
Greenacres Primary School
Dunkerley St
Greenacres
Oldham
Tues. 15th Jan 1985
Dear Richard
You can’t play your violin or your recorder because you had a car crash. I Wish you was at school because you are missing all the fun at school but when you get better you will be able to join in our games
Christopher McDonald
12 Locking Gate Rise
Waterhead
Oldham
8.1.85
Dear Richard,
I hope that you are feeling better. Rebecca told me about the accident. I felt sorry for you. It has been snowing and we have been playing in it. I have been falling in the snow. My brother Adam laughed at me. Then we had a snowball fight this morning.
Tonight I am going on my sledge with Adam. I hope you had lots of nice Christmas presents.
Your friend
Natalie
Walton
Greenacres Primary School
Dunkerley St
Greenacres
Oldham
16th January 1985
Dear Richard
I hope you get well soon.
We are doing about road safety at school and we are coming back to verbs. It is snowing very hard today and it is an inside play time today.
There is a new boy in J1 called Wayne.
From
Nigel Sinkis
Greenacres Primary School
Dunkerley St
Greenacres
Oldham
Wed 16th January 1985
Dear Richard,
It’s a pity you can’t have the kile. And you have mist the races at p.e. And are read road safety work. While your reading and sitting down we are busy at work. When you come back I will tell you the answers if your brains gone.
By Adrian
5 Esther st.
Greenacres
Oldham
8/1/85
Dear Richard,
I hope you come back to school soon, and this is a poem which I have written for you to read.
You play with your friends,
And hope you were back,
You sing them a song
All about Nat
I hope that you will get well soon
From
Lisa Doolan
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